Traffic congestion landed me a job in radio.

I used to be a traffic reporter. A split shift every morning and afternoon with a report every 15 minutes. I’d hear the traffic theme song (The Beatles – Drive My Car) take a deep breath and give a 60 second update on crashes, breakdowns and occasional wild animal sightings.

Once a beer truck got into trouble swerving, which was a frothy highlight (after we confirmed the driver was ok).

I also learned how to say “slow” rather creatively. Underspeed, creeping, crawling, sluggish, turtle-like, tortoise-like, sloth-like (just kidding that’s too hard to say quickly on the radio). Stop-start – you get the picture.

I’d scan the traffic cameras and see minor bingles creating major headaches. A nose to tail crinkle, could make thousands of commuters late to work.

Firetrucks would race to serious crashes and I’d hold my breath to see if drivers got out alive. My time as a traffic reporter turned me off motorbikes for life. Too many crashes that ended badly for the human in the helmet. Some days were really sad.

I worked with an experienced road crew who had a birds-eye view of the city. Traffic managers, tow truck drivers and me. Several of my colleagues had previously been police officers.

I remember scanning the roads with a bloke who always seemed a bit angry at the world. He didn’t blink often and his facial expression rarely changed. Then one morning he told me that he used to be a police officer. For years he’d covered a notorious stretch of highway and had frequently been called out to fatal crashes in the dead of night.

He told me that he still had nightmares about pulling children out of cars. I never forgot that. Neither could he. I saw his face differently after that day.

Most days in the traffic centre you could zoom out and see the veins of the city pumping. That perspective informed my initial nervous daily traffic reports.

I mispronounced streets and suburbs but eventually found my groove and my confidence grew. That meant more chit chat with the host of the radio show.

One afternoon the ABC presenter asked me a question in the lead up to Father’s Day. Something like, what’s a lesson your dad taught you?

I told him how I had a vivid recollection of my dad’s desk as a kid. It had a postcard with a picture of a frog being swallowed by a stork. The frog’s head was deep inside the bird’s mouth, but his little amphibian arms were exposed and his tiny webbed hands were wrapped around the neck of the stork, gripping on for dear life. The words on the card said “Never, ever give up.”

I guess you could interpret the message through the eyes of the frog or the bird. Never give up trying to get out of a tough scenario – whether you’re trying to swallow something too big or just trying to hold on in a tight situation.

Anyway, telling that story prompted the boss at ABC radio to give me a call to offer me work as a producer at the station. 15 years later, I’m the presenter talking to the traffic reporter.

That’s Brad. In fact, Brad the traffic guy is the most popular voice on our radio station. Raspy and reliable. He’s the ultimate radio wingman. Brad cares about cars and congestion like nobody I know. And he’s got a big job.

The Motor Vehicle Census revealed that there were 20.1 million registered motor vehicles as of the 31st of January 2021. 4.3 million of them were in Queensland. I reckon Brad’s probably spied most on his traffic cameras and mentioned more than a few on the radio.

https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/industry/tourism-and-transport/motor-vehicle-census-australia/latest-release

He’s also the king of the segue. If I’m talking about sport and throw to him, he’ll weave a footy reference “Yeah Beck, gotta tackle a few problems on the M1 today.”

If I’m quoting scientists on climate change and need a check on traffic, he’ll mention that the roads are a bit like the reef – full of turtles, moving slowly.

If I’m asking what to do with cheap strawberries, you can bet there’s a traffic jam or two to mention. Brad’s very clever.

And he always reminds me that sometimes, slowing down might be the safest option. You never know when congestion could lead to the next chapter.